Here I am again..

I tried to tell myself.. that I will be ok.. I don't need this space anymore.. I tried to make myself belief that I was ok, I'll be fine... I'm strong enuff to move on... But, little that I know, it is more than just a strong mind to get thru what I'm going thru rite now.. It ain't easy.. But hey.... this is life...

So here I am again, with another one of my thoughts.. And I just wished I hadn't done a lot of things before.. How I wished i didnt overspend all of money.. If hadn't done that, some of my problem will be settled by now. Maybe I could've put down the deposit money for my wedding venue.. and I could start buying some stuff for the wedding... ;-(

He kept telling me that we're gonna make it.. we can do it together.. He will help me out once he is done with his repayments.. I have no choice but just to trust him.. *sigh*.. and thats one thing that requires all of my strenght to do.. I know he knows what he is doing.. I just hope that it is the right thing for us....

Things at home aren't looking so good either.. My maid wants to quit. My father is seldomly home, if he is then he will be with 'that lady'. And the more I see them together the more I hated the fact that he had married her... I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH HER AT ALL!! She can't even wash her own lingerie for god's sake! Nothing like mama..... ;-( nothing like mama... When they come home, I don't feel like I'm home.. And where they are not at home, I feel like home is not complete.. I still need my papa to be around.. I need him to be with us, not with us and her.. Not yet.. and from the rate that she is going.. not ever!!

He is coming home soon, for this week at least.. and yes.. with 'that lady'... Another awkward weekend to go thru.. I dont know how long I can keep this straight face, I dont know how long I can live thru this.. I'm still praying for papa to come to his senses.. Not to leave her.. Thats just the most craziest thing to do.. But at least treat us like 'us' again.. not just to be home to show your face around the neighbourhood.. ;-(